The "GF Search"

Sitting up this morning texting a friend, I had a thought. It reminded me of a conversation I had with a really good friend, (that in retrospect I probably shouldn't crossed that line with but i digress.), and she asked me a really simple question in her natural condescending tone. "still on your gf search..." Naturally, I downplayed it, with saying i was never on one to begin with, but I think in her miniature Buddha stature i think she knows me better than i think.

That doesn't bother me, I actually like that, but it brought me to a bigger question. Is that wrong? You know, to be on a search. Anyone that knows me is aware that I don't hit the club LOOKING for anything, I'm usually the more laid back, whatever happens happen type, but also knows that I don't like being single.

Thing is, this wasn't the first time I've heard that statement. My "one that got away," said the same thing over a year ago but in her case it was valid. Then I was really looking for a stop gap after my last relationship. Now, I'm pretty aware of what I want, what I need, what i can tolerate, most all...what I can offer. What I have encountered lately is a string of experiences that definitely have me apprehensive, sitting at the yellow light if you will. Why? Friend zone...No need to elaborate on that any further.

Can't settle for that, That isn't what I need. I have plenty of dedicated, loyal, loving, caring female friends that I have little to no pent up sexual desires for and vice versa. I have a dog, don't need a companion.

I feel like she has a point tho, If I think I may like it, i dip my toes in the water, I'll try anything once. Is THAT what she means by the search? Or the fact that the quantity hasn't matched the quality? I don't really know these days. Coach just trying to get in the game, I've built a bench on the sidelines as long as I've been over here...

On that poorly thought out analogy, School Awaits. Give me some feedback though. @mrcoachwilson, text, fb, something!

Progressing Daily, MCW

Comments

  1. Well friend, I understand where u are coming from. However, its not good to "try anything once". While your wasting ur time "trying out things", you could possibly miss out on something else. I told you once to stop messing w/ these females tht have no potential to be the "one". Speaking of which, why do u waste time w/ tht bench you've built up, what's their purpose?

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  2. Hey bro I been knowing you since 1989 so I know what a great man you are. If a woman can't see the good in you then she got problems. You're a man with a good job, own money, own car, and NO KIDS!!! With all the good in you she should bring a lot to the table also. So take your time when finding Miss Right. Or you can move to Dallas where there are tons of future Baby Mama's lol.

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  3. I think you missed the point of the "bench" reference. Not in the sense of having a team, because I don't believe in juggling multiple women, hell, its hard enough dealing with one, and keeping that one happy. I meant it in a sports reference as in, being on the sidelines (single) for so long, that I have built myself, a bench to sit on while I wait. You are right on that wasting time part. I always felt that I shouldn't disregard someone before I get to know them, because what's unconventional may just be what I need in my life. How can you know one's potential if you aren't willing to give them opportunity to prove themselves wrong or right.

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  4. Due to your faith my free advice to you is to stop searching! Just like the old saying says "If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans" stop taking matters into your own hands and let God complete the search for you. I can speak from personal experience that when I stop searching that my hunnie was sent to me. I also have 2 best friends that share my same story.

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  5. I believe it, believe me I don't go seeing out anything, i take what comes and when it crashes...i keep it moving, but you are right. My summer may be chilltime, just relaxing and letting see what happens. Let Him take the lead.

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  6. Funny you posted this! I've been having similar thoughts as of late. I feel that the "one" will be presented to you when God has prepared both of you! But that doesn't mean you sit in the house all day because unless she is the cable girl you might miss out;)
    I agree with the above comment...what you shouldn't do is waste time on females you know up front aren't gf, wife (especially if that's what you want) material because in that instance you may miss out.
    I feel like this is the dilemma that many young professional African Americans are facing;men and women alike! Be patient and prayerful! Trust me it's twice as hard for us females (in my opinion)! Educated, professional, independent,NO KIDS...I've built the bench, painted it, and have been viewing the field for a long time!

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  7. Dude, I agree with dimple...in 08 I quit searching, and trying to find love knowing I wasn't doing things the right way and knew I wasn't going to get the girl I needed, then I started seeking for answers from the big man, then real talk beginning of 09 Ebby came at me, now you know everybody's like how'd he get Eb, I was saying the same thing, dude I prayed for this girl too...Hispanic decent, loves God, down to earth, funny, beautiful, can cook, motivated, driven to be successful, humble....I'm being soooooo serious bruh, I kid you not, I asked and he sent, I've never dated a girl that was down for me 100%, that kept it real, that had a kind heart, it could have only been him in the time when I gave myself issue 100% to him and had faith he was gonna give in return...now I know she's my future cuz she's one of a kind...that's my spill

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  8. Ya'll giving me what i needed to hear. Patience is definitely key in this and all situations. I've stopped forcing the issue. Just need to be patient and ask for what I want, and let it be delivered.

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  9. Bro, my best advice, which is advice i give to my own girls who are in the same boat as you, stop searching for that 'one' and let life takes its course. the moment you stop looking she will arise. she may be someone you've yet to meet or someone who's underneath your nose and you both just havent seen each other in that light yet. who knows. your a definite catch and any girl that doesnt see that is a loser and you dont want a loser do you? hehe you want a winner! ♥

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  10. Thats my sister-in-law right there! Thanks Nessa!

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  11. Just chill. You're a great guy. When the right lady surprisingly enters your life, you may not even recognize her at first. But when you make your move (meaning go that 65-70% of the way)She'll be eager to meet you the rest of the way and you wont have to wonder. She'll make sure you know she was more than happy to participate and that she's ready to embark on all sorts of new adventures with you. You're handsome, have a great personality, smart, charismatic, so don't sweat it! She will come and then you'll be the one trying to make sure you're ready for everything that may be in store.

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