Can You "Jump the Broom?" Part II
Welcome back ladies and gents. I think we got off to a good yesterday start with some thought provoking questions. Remember that these are questions that you CANNOT be afraid to ask yourself when considering a life long mate. It takes time, it takes clear, conscious thought in order to make the determination of whether to keep him or her, or let them go. If you thought it was supposed to be easy, you don't have anything to lose. My friends that I are invested in their lives and those who read this here blog, are serious about making conscious sound decisions.
Shall we proceed? Minds open and clear? Lets Go then...
7. Are you free to be your authentic self?
Can you be you? Do you feel like you have to put on a facade or wear a mask every time you get around this person in order to make them feel comfortable? If so, you're in the wrong situation. Being authentic is being true, being comfortable to be exactly the same as you were when you were with your friends and family. If your significant other is constantly trying to change who you are because it doesn't suit them, then you have a problem.
8. If he or she never changes anything about themselves, Can you live with them for the rest of your life?
This may the most thought provoking question out of the bunch, because this question makes you put everything about that person into perspective. This makes you take into account all of the baggage, inconsistencies, odd twitches, and skeletons in the closet that you've known about or are still discovering. Then you essentially have to have a checklist and ask yourself "Can I live with this or not?" If the good outweighs the bad, then go for it. If not, then...bust a move.
9. Have the two of you established a friendship?
Friends before lovers is what we usually say right...Let's break it down in depth why don't we.
Acquaintances...you two know each other--->Casual Friendship...this is the "collecting data" stage. This is where you start to find out the small things about the person.----> "Friends" now y'all talking...this is the accountability stage. We all know what it means to be accountable to someone else. This is where you know what you are willing to allow in your relationship.-----> Courtship..."The Discovering Stage" this is the stage where you start demolishing barriers so that you may lay the proper foundation. Ask the right questions, leave no stone unturned. When getting on the same page, the man has to be the leader because you have to make certain where you are going is the right place. Being on one accord with your finances and your spirituality as well as identifying what your spirituality is.
To end this subject a few more notes:
-Don't run away from conflict, contradictions, and tension...EMBRACE IT.
-Follow the steps as written. Don't Skips these Steps! Especially the Friendship Stage.
-Its the friendship that sustains a relationship when the romance subsides.
-A friend loves at ALL TIMES when the Love is Secure.
-Love takes it time... Infatuation rushes...due to insecurities because of habitual step skipping.
10. Have you ever had sex before?
Most of us have. Are you willing to go get those tests taken together to be sure or your status? Are you willing to accept the children that the person is bringing into the situation, realizing the right time to have sex, or making a sincere effort to really know what you're dealing with before you make that jump. I used to think that sex really didn't matter if both parties were on the same page. That is the biggest lie ever and I'm upset that someone fed me that garbage. As soon as sex enters the picture, the relationship has turned. Feelings change, bodies change, desires change. So be sure that you know what you are doing...
11. Do you have any reason not to trust her?
Never proceed in life without consulting God...seriously, What in your right mind would possess you to commit to a person you don't trust. Are you that selfish to keep yourself on edge constantly looking over your shoulder, memorizing unlock codes and patterns just to make yourself sleep easier at night because you are unsure of their thoughts or feelings towards you? Once again communication alleviates all of these insecurities, well...they should.
-Before you jump into something have a period of sober consideration...Don't be intoxicated by romance.
-This should be a clear decision.
-Before you jump the broom, observe him/her in ALL SEASONS. She may be completely different in the summer than she is in the winter. Pay Attention to Details.
-Take Your Time because It's Your Life. You have to be happy when it's all said and done.
-If you're not married you can fire them...
-Every relationship needs a crises. How will you know what you two can handle together without one?
-It is not based on feelings, its based on facts.
-Whenever you get what you deserve too early you blow it. Making sure this doesn't happen shows signs of maturity.
12. Where do you stand with your finances?
Proverbs 27:23-24 reads "Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful consideration to your herds; for riches do not endure forever, and a crown is not secure for all generations"
In laymens terms, Make sure your money is in order and if you gonna marry someone, you better make sure theirs is in order as well. Don't be afraid to get the in pockets of the person you thinking about marrying, Ask the hard questions or be prepared to deal with the consequences of gambling debts and credit card debts that you never knew existed. Money ruins relationships but neglecting to ask questions are that much worse.
Well there you have it, All 12 Questions. Complete. Makes your life a little bit simpler right? Didn't think so. Communciation is the key my loves, ask the questions without fearing the answer. Be practical in your approach, don't be blinded by sex and superficial things. Lets dedicate ourselves to working on building a foundation of honesty, respect, appreciation, and support and things should be easy breezy. I hope this can start us on a quest to help make a dent in unsuccessful relationships therefore cutting the divorce rate. Thanks for listening, hope to hear feedback soon...
Progressing Daily, MCW