What Is It That You Want Again Dear?
Happy Friday Guys! I said that I was going to crank this post out a few days ago, but I was being lazy so since I'm on a sabbatical from Table Tennis today...I confiscated a cpu and decided to bless you with my thoughts...
I posed a Question on my various Social Media Pages for feedback..
|We really don't know...|
"If you did or said _______, more often, I'd be happier"
Before I empty my brain on this subject, Here's some of my anonymous responses...
"I want to hear that "I WANT YOU" and "I want to f*** you" - Young Lady
"If you show me you appreciate and notice all that I do and help me out more, I'd be happier" - Another Young Lady
"Tell me you love me" -D. Malone
"I appreciate you for ____" -C. Thomas
Clearly, Guys don't necessarily want to respond to inquiries like this, because for us to come off as unhappy or lacking shows signs of weakness. I think that it was a great question because we have all failed in relationships, are currently in relationships that can always be better and grow in different areas. It usually boils down to effective communication.
We usually have three main topics that usually make couples unhappy and eventually end.
Sex, Feelings, Domestication.
Many relationships die because of a lack of intimacy, the sex life starts off strong, then it falls off a cliff, or one side is unwilling to do what the other wants that will make them happy. How do you effectively communicate what you want without hurting one's feelings. How do you make one understand that what you like is what you want to happen? When is your breaking point to where when you are constantly ot getting what you want? How long is too long of being unfulfilled?
We all got feelings, Right? Some wear theirs on their sleeve, others hide them in a lock box under the bed seemingly never to appear. When we open up and begin expressing ourselves: our wants, needs, desires...We usually want them to be accepted and cultivated, beginning the process of making two separate lives one. Truth of the matter is that humans are naturally selfish people. We want what we want, when we want it, how we want it. The responses the we seek to our issues are usually not what we expect. Learning your partner and knowing yourself is probably a good thing to think about before you start spilling your emotions on a regular basis. How do you react when your partner expresses themselves. Do you genuinely care about their problems or are you pacifying them by half-assed listening and consideration. Its definitely damaging to a relationship for one side to feel as if the other really doesn't care nor take their expressions seriously.
First off, let me say...Living Together Isn't a Good Idea Unless You Know You Getting Married. Just not good, too much too soon. No time to breathe, no time for personal space, or quiet, or finding a happy place. (sighs,,,had to get that out)
It seems to be a common thread among fellow "domesticators" that living together can be a great thing. You're building together, making strides, in house P**** as the guys say...but what gets relationships into trouble....OLD SCHOOL GENDER ROLES.
According to Amy Blackstone of the U. of Maine
"Gender roles are the roles that men and women are expected to occupy based on their sex. Traditionally, many Western societies have believed that women are more nurturing than men. Therefore, the traditional view of the feminine gender role prescribes that women should behave in ways that are nurturing. "
We tend to look at the domestic responsibilities as our grandparents did in their day. Women cook and clean and take care of the house and raise the babies. Men are the financial supporters, the leader and the maker of tough decisions concerning the household and that's pretty much where the line is drawn. It's not how it works anymore, Most times. Both sexes are working full-time gigs, bringing home finances and we still expect women to take care of the house. I've personally made this mistake and I saw how quickly the morale of the household can fall. I've also been on the opposite end where I can empathize with how women can feel handling all of the domestic tasks. This is an easy fix guys. Learn How to Cook. Clean. Fold Clothes. Is 50/50 expected...of course not, but at least find ways to help your other out and be a better teammate. Tell them you appreciate them, that goes both ways...when ya man helps out, pat him on the back, tell him good job and remember we're kinda like puppies...throw us a treat and we become creatures of habit.
Look Guys, Relationships are hard work. They aren't meant to be easy...The longer you in, the more difficult it becomes to maintain that spice and that unity.
Communicate what you want. Listen to your other. Believe in them, If they have the balls to come out and actually say what they want, then try to meet them half way. This coming from a man who's done it wrong and wants to do it right..
Let me know how you feel...you know how to reach me.